Acceptance - the key to peace and happiness
In mindfulness, acceptance always comes first; change comes after.
Shamash Alidina

A person with healthy self-esteem accepts life as it is. I learnt this on an NHS self-esteem group therapy course I went on, many years ago. Along with other valuable lessons like learning to be kind to myself, how necessary it is to balance your views of yourself and how important your self-beliefs are. This course quite frankly changed my life. It opened me up to new ideas and made me realise just how hard on myself I was. I was so ingrained in negative self-talk, doubts, and critical thinking, at the time. Up to that point in my life, I had suffered off and on with bouts of depression on numerous occasions through school, University and into my early 20’s.
At the point of going on this self-esteem course, I had dipped back into a slight depression, whilst recovering from a bad knee injury, acquired from falling down a mountain skiing! I would say I was mildly depressed and therefore seemed to gain a lot from the cognitive behaviour group therapy course I was sent on. As is quite normal (I believe), I really didn’t want to go and was very sceptical that it could help me. I can say now, with complete confidence, I’m very glad I went, as it helped me tremendously. I haven’t suffered with depression since then and I think this course started me on a path to greater self-esteem and gave me the building blocks to bring about change.
Acceptance
I understand now that acceptance is the starting point for change. Self-acceptance is important but also acceptance of personal circumstance and other people. Accepting that people do not change easily or at all, but that you can change in response to people and circumstance, is a fundamental thing to learn. Many times, in life, in various scenarios I come back to ‘acceptance’, knowing that people are who they are, things are what they are and what I can do is accept them and appreciate them for that. For in this acceptance, there is peace, understanding and love. It is not being defeatist but being honest and true to either yourself, the situation or circumstance. Acceptance unlocks the door to personal growth and change, for only in accepting can you bring about the change necessary to transform a relationship, situation, or circumstance.
Self-acceptance
There is a lot spoken about self-acceptance, loving and being kind to yourself. Poorna Bell says ‘self-love really is self-awareness met with the capacity for change’ and Emma Cannon (both contributors to Red Magazine) says ‘true self-acceptance is about incorporating and accepting all aspects of yourself…. (and) sending love to all the unlovable, rejected painful parts of yourself – whatever they are.’ To me accepting life as it is and accepting yourself for who and what you are includes not deluding yourself or trying to escape thoughts and feelings but instead, acknowledging, facing, and embracing them. Allowing them to teach you what you need to understand about yourself.
Only by acknowledging and accepting your true self will you gain the ability to open your heart to love yourself and others in a healthy way.
Trish Nash
You must own and embrace your feelings whatever they are and deal with them. Trying to push your feelings away or ignoring them (not accepting them) will not solve the issues you face. The only way is to push through, by accepting, then reframing and rebalancing. It is the same with other people and circumstances. Accept what’s going on within a relationship, a work situation or personal circumstance, for what it is and stop trying to change things that either can’t or don’t want to be changed. This does not mean, not speaking up or expressing your opinion, thoughts, or feelings. It just means accepting the scenario for what it is and not fighting it. The change starts with you and starts with acceptance.
Is there a part of you, some thoughts, or feelings that you need to accept? Or do you need to accept someone? or something that is going on in your life right now? To me acceptance is an ongoing activity, something I return to, in different scenarios, realising each time, I just need to ‘accept this’, even though I wish the person or situation were different. Acceptance now brings me a sense of peace and a knowing that all is ok - transformation is possible, as it is within my control and I can do the work to change my response and take action.
Do you need to learn to be kinder to yourself and control negative self-talk? Why not try out my course …..
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